Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
