I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize