Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
