remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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