Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He passed out mid-signature
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
