Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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