Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
