College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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