does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think people are normalizing furries
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize