Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
