my mouth tastes like poor choices
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
