It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
