I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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