i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
