Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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