Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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