Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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