is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize