Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
