Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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