Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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