i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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