Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
