my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
