In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize