I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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