i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
