Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
