Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
