i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
