No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
