So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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