dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
