you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
