Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I need a beard to bite.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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