Please, let me fuck your mom
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
