i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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