I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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