oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
