A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
