Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
