I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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