I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
