So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
