Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
