You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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