i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
