my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
