is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
