You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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