dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
