I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
