..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
