Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
