How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
