Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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