Cold hands, warm shart.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
