He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I need to sanitize my soul.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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