Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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