NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
