Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
