i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
