just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
