Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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