i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
