My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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