I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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