I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
