If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
