Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
