just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
