I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
