Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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