What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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