I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
not ubering you a puppy
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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