using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize