she looked like the before picture.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
