but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have aggressive nipples.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
